Not gonna lie I've never been very good at dealing with things when they go wrong.
I blame myself and go into a terrible spiral of self-loathing that stems from my issues with mental health (which I've spoken about on this blog a few times.) On Monday I came 2nd on the Radio Wigwam awards for Best Female Vocalist. I had been stupid though, I had convinced myself that I'd win as it was the second year I was nominated, rookie mistake right? Anyone else would have been thrilled with 2nd, but this sent me off on a dark path of self-hatred matched only my Oedipus when he poked his eyes out with brooches. Not a good coping mechanism right?! I was being selfish and ridiculous but I couldn't. stop. myself.
I spent a few days introspecting and slowly realised that recently I've been suffering really bad bouts of anger as well as extreme tiredness, and self-depreciation; so yesterday I bit the bullet and took the NHS Self Diagnosis for Depression (I've included a link in case you too want to try this.) Lo and Behold if I haven't spiked back into the 'severe' category for depression - without even realising how out of control it all was... So, I've made an appointment to see the Dr, not to get pills (I'm already on a low dose of medication) although they might change the type I'm on, but more to see what I can do about it, how I can battle it this time around.
I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm here because I want to let you know that if you're suffering DON'T just keep going, please try to get some help. It's more brave to do that than to suffer quietly destroying yourself day after day.
I also wanted to apologise if I've been distant, offish or even angry recently; I've not quit been myself for a few months - sorry.
The music will keep coming though... Once the new album in funded I'm hoping that I can use this bout of emotions to create something raw and real for album number two. (As yet unnamed as the highest donor on the GoFundMe gets to name it... ) channeling these kinds of things into my lyrics seems to be what I do best and it's also a coping mechanism so here's hoping I can start work on it sooner rather than later!
Big big love, hugs and small rays of sunshine,
Well what can I say except THANK YOU! The new single I released on Friday has had so much love from you all. It's one of the most personal songs that I've ever written and that fact that its touching your souls too makes me so happy. The video we made with Salmon Crest Films (shoutout!) totally brings the song to life too, so in the site revamp I've put that slap bang on page one... On that note, the website was looking old and cluttered, so I've attempted to make it a bit less like my general mental state and bit more like me without coffee reading a book. I also designed a dope new page header - BOOM!
Tonight we find our who's won the Wigwam Online Radio Awards, to have been nominated a second time is amazing - I am so honoured to be up there. But, I'm not going to lie - I was to win SO BADLY! I've worked my arse off over the last year striving to make my indie musician career progress ... sometimes I forget how far you've come and often I struggle with looking back and focus on all the stuff I don't yet have rather than appreciating where I am. This award would mean the recognition of the hard work I've put in. Its just what I need for the next chapter!
Anyway, keep everything crossed and if you've not checked these things out yet please do:
Page for the NEW ALBUM fundraiser
Video for the NEW SINGLE
BIG BIG LOVE VW x
Hey guys! I am so chuffed with these two amazing reviews that have dropped this week about the new single OWN ME, that I had to share!
Firstly the wonderful Indie Music Women, writing “Highly recommended. Verity White is a talented songwriter backed with a soulful, rocksteady set of pipes. She should be on every playlist of essential music collections. You don’t want to miss out on this tasty morsel of what is to come with her new album.” You can read the whole thing here!
Then the most marvellous Ghostly Beard writing for Music Talks hit me with a 5/5 Beard review “Get your dose of rock adrenaline today with that awesome new single from Verity, you won’t regret it.” (Whole thing here)
On top of that my wonderful fans have been rallying around and have built a Twitter, Facebook and even Instagram fan page for me which is just insane and totally awesome and well!!
This week is awesome!
To top it all off this Friday we play the amazing Troubador on Old Brompton Rd, London this Friday, July 3rd. Head to the dates pages on here to grab a ticket - we might just be playing Own Me live!!! YAY!
Love and hugs xxx
You may have seen on my Twitter that last week I went to a talk at Meltdown Fest about Music and Mental Health. It was an inspiring talk where a few famous musicians, a mental health practitioner and a rep' from Help Musicians UK talked through their experiences with dealing with mental health in the industry.
But one thing struck me, they'd already made it.
The issues they were having, though no less deep, and advise they were giving wasn't as pertinent to INDIE musicians, as they didn't have the same pressures on them that we do >> That constant chasing of likes, streams, and follows - that we're almost FORCED to chase or "no industry rep will look at us".
I've spent the last week thinking through the advice that they gave, that it should be JUST ABOUT CREATING THE MUSIC. And I agree, it SHOULD be.
If you create music, you're doing it out of a passion a need to create, but most of us also want recognition; we're chasing the dream. When the world is oversaturated with people trying to make it, you don't know where to look, and your posts on social media soon become lost in a haze of people saying the same thing ... LOOK AT ME ... and that kinda becomes too much.
I know we're all struggling with the need to be heard, but HOW do we do that in this landscape? Unfortunately, I don't know.
But I do know that I'm not coping with the way it is.
It's so constant and so overwhelming, music industry peeps won't touch you unless you have x-thousand likes or follows or streams. But most of this can be faked, we're living in a constant circle-wank of 'like for like' and it's just not real.
So I've decided to go old school. I'm just gonna be me, and see where it takes me. I'm going to work on myself, and getting my music better and better, and getting myself better and better and see if THAT makes a difference. Because, having reviewed it, I don't think that like for like gets you anywhere, and I'm pretty sure industry execs don't give a damn about it either. I'm not sure that kinda thing is going to really, truly get me anywhere, as I know when I look at my timelines and see fake engagement I'm not interested in it. Yeah I know this is controversial, and I should clarify that I am ALWAYS here to support my fellow indies, but with REAL comments and love, not with false engagements. If I LIKE something, I will LIKE it.
This may be the end of me, or the beginning, or maybe just a strange dark patch in the middle while I revaluate. But thank you Meltdown Fest and Help Musicians UK for giving me the time to think about this, and the strength in my convictions to carry it forwards.
As always, I'd love you to join the conversation, so if you want to comment on this or have a chat with me at any point, you know where I am.