Firstly, thank you all so much for all the kind messages of love and offers of support you've been sending. It's so appreciated. I'm dealing with this and I'm okay. I just wanted to give you all an update.
I'm not going to lie, the Dr I saw last week made me feel like a total freak. She clearly wasn't used to dealing with Mental Health issues and just sat there staring at me while I cried my tits off explaining how I was feeling. It was not a good experience, but I after getting over her total lack of care for her patients, I realised this was, as it always is, down to me to sort myself out... I picked myself up and arranged to see a private therapist for an introductory session this week. I also called and self-referred myself to the Lets Talk NHS service (waiting to see whether they're any good but I am doubtful )...
You see the thing that I've realised with mental heath is that you have to HELP YOURSELF to get better. If you don't you won't - and you'll stay battling the same things all your life. I'm not saying I haven't been, but they've developed and changed - as I've fought one fight yes a new one has appeared but each time I come out stronger. I'm never going to have enough serotonin in my brain, and I'm likely always going to suffer from bouts of depression and with managing my anxiety, but it becomes more manageable as you work at it. Even if it FEELS like it doesn't, when you look back you realise that is does. I know this because I've been working at this shit since I realised how sick I was when I was 22 and had to quit university... (See I Don't Care for a reference song!)
SO my loves, just to recap - The Dr's in the GP office can't really do much for you except throw drugs in your general direction, which help numb things but aren't a long term solution - the actual work to improve YOUR life comes down to YOU.
I'll keep you updated on how I'm doing as I know a lot of you have been asking - and I'm sorry that I can't be as here as I usually am for fun and chats and love and support, but I hope some fo the advice I give above helps some fo you out; and I promise you I'm okay and working on it.