Some of you may wonder why I put all of these down on here well its three-fold really...
1. I want to raise awareness and acceptance of mental health, especially in the music industry, and encourage others to start helping themselves to get better.
2. I use this as a kind of catharsis.
3. A lot of people are asking how I am, this is an easy way to tell them.
So, if mental health updates aren't your bag, don't worry they're not ALL like this on the blog, but if you're interested, suffering yourself, or conceded... read on!
So, where were we... I was put on sertraline. This has NOT worked out! It turns out that there's a 1/100,000 chance that your liver/blood will be affected by the medication with a serious side effects, and I was lucky enough to be one of those people (why can't I be 1/1,000,000?! ;) ) I came out with bruises all over my body for no reason.
Unsurprisingly, I was asked to stop taking this - my last dose was Friday. The bruises are fading but now I'm going through withdrawal and trying to work out what my new 'normal' is? You see - I've been on anti-depressants constantly for the last 10+ years, I don't actually know how bad I am off of them any more.
But I'm going to try. As this reaction has freaked me out and I want to see whether there's maybe a chance that I CAN cope without medication.
Its going to be a tough few months while I adjust, it might get to the point where I'm rock bottom and I HAVE to go back on meds, but I want to try.
I may be a bit all over the place, but it's gonna make for an interesting album!!
Love and light
xxx me xxx
We’re all running out of time,
Well shite, I just wrote a massive post and then randomly lost it all. Bugger...
ANYWAY, What I was going on about was mainly a THANK YOU to everyone who's back the Go Fund Me campaign to make the second album happen (and pre-ordered your signed and numbered copy in the process!)
Although we've not hit the target to do a tour, we will put that extra funding to good use but spending it on PR and marketing for the new music, and a massive ALBUM LAUNCH PARTY on Feb 16th in Cheltenham which you're all invited to! It should be an epic night, with the option for those of you who missed out on the pre-order being able to get your hands on a copy at the meet and greet before the show, too! We also have incredible support acts lined up so it'll be a brilliant night of truly independent musical talent. I would love to pack the place out so please say you'll come?!
I've also popped a free track up for all and sundry to get, with exclusive new artwork too - if you've not grabbed it yet go here and get your grubby mitts on it :) enjoy!
PS - those of you who've been worried about me, due to the previous posts etc, I'm doing okay and thank you all so much for being there. I have new medication which is settling down and a great lot of friends and family around me who are really supportive. Things will get brighter. xx
Mental Health Update! (i.e. don't read if you're wanted music tips and tricks, unless they relate to mental health!)
Last week I had my first session with my new therapist, that was eye opening (to say the least) as I kept going on, unbeknownst to me, about not wanting to become The Horrible Person. Tomorrow I have to explain to her who or what The Horrible Person is, this means I've spent the week trying to decipher my own psyche to work that out...
Needless to say my head has been all over the place as usual; especially as I'm also attempting to fund-raise for a new album and tour, promote my current single, attend an online masterclass in music marketing, move house, work two days in London to be able to pay for all this and rehearse for your upcoming tour with Pendragon...
And THIS, this right here is the root of my problem.
I KNOW I do TOO MUCH but I'm unable to stop...
... as I said in the song See Through
"I can't handle the pressure I put on myself, can you stop me comparing to everyone else?
I need an answer to the emptiness in me, though it pushes and drives me so hard,
Can you See Through these scars?"
I'm sure there's a saying somewhere about spreading yourself so thinly that something bad happens. I can only assume that it's don't become a bad jam.
But maybe it's actually don't become The Horrible Person?
So, have I worked out who it is?
Well, yes I have. Unfortunately, The Horrible Person is me.
It's my darkest fear of who I am scared to become if I let go of my self-depreciating attitude, it is me -it is a confident version of me.
Who knows what's going to happen next?
Firstly, thank you all so much for all the kind messages of love and offers of support you've been sending. It's so appreciated. I'm dealing with this and I'm okay. I just wanted to give you all an update.
I'm not going to lie, the Dr I saw last week made me feel like a total freak. She clearly wasn't used to dealing with Mental Health issues and just sat there staring at me while I cried my tits off explaining how I was feeling. It was not a good experience, but I after getting over her total lack of care for her patients, I realised this was, as it always is, down to me to sort myself out... I picked myself up and arranged to see a private therapist for an introductory session this week. I also called and self-referred myself to the Lets Talk NHS service (waiting to see whether they're any good but I am doubtful )...
You see the thing that I've realised with mental heath is that you have to HELP YOURSELF to get better. If you don't you won't - and you'll stay battling the same things all your life. I'm not saying I haven't been, but they've developed and changed - as I've fought one fight yes a new one has appeared but each time I come out stronger. I'm never going to have enough serotonin in my brain, and I'm likely always going to suffer from bouts of depression and with managing my anxiety, but it becomes more manageable as you work at it. Even if it FEELS like it doesn't, when you look back you realise that is does. I know this because I've been working at this shit since I realised how sick I was when I was 22 and had to quit university... (See I Don't Care for a reference song!)
SO my loves, just to recap - The Dr's in the GP office can't really do much for you except throw drugs in your general direction, which help numb things but aren't a long term solution - the actual work to improve YOUR life comes down to YOU.
I'll keep you updated on how I'm doing as I know a lot of you have been asking - and I'm sorry that I can't be as here as I usually am for fun and chats and love and support, but I hope some fo the advice I give above helps some fo you out; and I promise you I'm okay and working on it.